Yep.

Obviously the Wall Street Journal chose such an inflammatory title to attract readers. As of this writing, the article has generated 865+ comments, so I’d say they were successful.

My first exposure to the book this article covers - Bringing up Bebe - was via CNN while I was at the gym this morning. I saw the capture, “Why the French are better parents than Americans” and accompanying text explaining that French parents teach their children to say: “hello”, “goodbye”, “please” and “thank you.” Granted my memories of the first few years of my life are fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure that those were some of the first words I learned. My family placed a premium on good manners. I wondered where she grew up and with whom she surrounds herself that these aren’t common teachings. 

Having lived in the South for 13 years where “please” and “thank you” seem to be first words and children’s conversations with adults is regularly peppered with “ma’ams” and “sirs”, I’m led me to believe she’s either unaware of or ignoring significant portions of the population. 

She also mentions that parents need to set boundaries and not be afraid to tell their children no. This is called “good parenting” and has nothing to do with being French or American.

I get irritated by people who write how-to / instructional books based on their narrow viewpoint. For instance, women or men who treat their romantic partners poorly, end up alone and have an epiphany one day that they’re alone because they are selfish assholes. They decide this is a problem that plagues women and men across the world and they must share their “wisdom” with the rest of us poor souls to prevent us from the same tragedies. Nevermind that many of us are aware that it pays to be kind to the people you love. Nevermind that they are still alone and there is irony in the fact that they are trying to counsel others on how to behave. (See: Lori Gotlieb). Likewise, just because she may have been raised in an environment where a premium wasn’t placed on having good manners and boundaries or perhaps is surrounded by others raising their children the same way, it doesn’t mean that applies to the whole of Americans with our many different sub-cultures.

If she wrote more about her observations from her personal experiences, it would be less feather-ruffling, but she also would not be getting all this media attention - especially on the heels of the Chinese tiger mom article from last year. Generalizations can be useful when we need to make quick observations, but for a book that aims to make a serious point about parenting, I expect more than broad brush strokes.

She mentions a study she read comparing parents in Columbus, OH to parents in Rennes, France. I’m curious to know what the demographic breakdown of those moms was. Was it upper-class moms in a two-parent household; was it working class single moms or gay moms? Were they black, white, Asian, or Latino moms? That matters. We are not a nation with a monolithic culture.

I dislike the article about her book because I feel like it ignores the impact of culture. I think she had a great opportunity to explore how parenting differs in France and the US, but she chose to do it from what seems to be a narrow perspective. I do think there are some lax parents and wild ass children in this country, that’s for sure. I don’t take issue with that observation, I take issue with the fact that she didn’t delve deep enough into it.

*I have not read the book, so my opinions are solely based on information read in the WSJ article.